“How are you brave?” is the prompt for Bloganuary 2023 Day 2 and I have to admit, I really had to think about what to say for this one. I didn’t intend for this post to get so honest and personal but it was the best way I could think of how to answer this. So here we go. How am I brave?
On one hand, I don’t believe I have ever used the term “brave” to describe myself. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of over thinking things and as bad as it may sound, I kind of allowed fear to run parts of my life, especially when it comes to putting myself “out there”. Even with something so small as this blog post, it took me a while to actually publish it because I had doubts. So because of that, maybe I am not so brave. However, on the other hand, I have faced hardships in my life. I have battled depression for a major part of it as well as anxiety. I have been physically and even more emotionally exhausted many times. Then a couple of years ago, I went through the worst depression I have ever gone through when my faith was shaken to the point where I felt broken and even mentally tormented. I was filled with so much doubt, fear, pain, discouragement and even a little bit of anger. I felt like giving up on it all. Not just my faith but on life as well. But I didn’t. I chose to still get up every morning even though my body often ached with pain and I felt like a walking zombie. I chose to work even though there were many times I silently cried at my desk while doing my job. I chose to still be kind to others despite what I was going through and most importantly, I chose to continue to pursue Jesus. Or maybe it was more like I chose to continue to accept his pursuit of me. Maybe that’s how I am brave.
Now, before I do continue, I really feel the need to say this. Just because I was able to get up every morning, go to work and eventually overcome what I was going through doesn’t mean I believe it’s easy for the next person. We all hurt in many different ways on many different level. Some of us more than others and that is why I believe it’s truly important to be kind and understanding of one another. However, I will not pretend that it was solely through my own strength that I did overcome the pain I felt. Then again, maybe it wasn’t through my own strength at all. It is because of the grace and strength of God, along with my family and friends, that I am writing this today. It is because I chose to lean on my relationship with Jesus and not give into the fear from the enemy.There is another writer by the name of Filip who posted on today’s Bloganuary prompt and one of the Bible verses he had included in his post was Joshua 1:9 which is actually one of my most favourite verses of all time. You can read his wonderful and encouraging post here.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.“
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
I personally believe that I can sometimes feel sad and afraid but at the same time, feel the joy and peace in knowing that the Lord is near. Knowing that he not only sees my struggles and pain but that he also understands. Knowing that is what makes me confident and even brave.